I have been sitting in front of this screen for the past half an hour, trying to figure out how to begin this entry.
It is unbelievable how I have forgotten how to approach this blog or my YouTube channel.
I never thought that I would be away from here for this long, I didn’t even plan on stepping away from here. I actually want to get stuck into my diet and lose more weight and post more about trying to get organised and such. But things happened during last year which made me press the pause button while I sorted those issues out. Then came another issue and then another.
Along with that, I found that my mental state wasn’t in a place which I was comfortable dealing with, it seemed like everything I did or tried to do failed which made things feel worse for me, I was also trying to deal with my health which was starting to get worse in some areas. Something I wasn’t too happy to admit and with that I was making myself feel very low.
Luckily enough I had my family and my fiance to support me and help me pull my head back above the water. There are still issues that need to be dealt with, but I feel like I am in a state which I can cope with these along with concentrating on working on my weight.
With everything that has gone on last year, it is no surprise that my weight was affected. I was comfort eating and I ended up gaining pretty much all my weight back which I lost the previous year.
Am I sad about this? Yes
Am I surprised by this? No, I knew I would gain some weight back and maybe that was, and is, wrong of me to think that. Maybe if I tried to think positive about keeping the weight off then it could have been different. But I don’t know what would have happened as it is now in the past and I need to focus on the now and the future.
I know what needs to be done, I know what to do, I just need to do it.
I am keeping my goals pretty much the same from when I first began –
- 4-5 cups a day
- eat more fruit and veg
- eat more seafood and meat free meals on weekdays and meat and poultry on weekends
- 15 minutes of exercise 3 days a week
I am also adding 2 extra small goals to the list –
- don’t eat any biscuits for at least 5 days
- don’t eat any desserts for at least 5 days (unless the dessert is mixed fruit, then that is ok)
I have been trying to get back into the swing of things, I have made several videos for my channel, but I never felt comfortable with them. I started to do my exercises again, and after the first day my lower half seized up and I was pretty much bed/sofa bound for the rest of the week.
So what I feel that I need to do before I fully do my 15 minutes is to re introduce myself. 5 minutes a day and then 10, then 15. I am hoping that doing it this way will be easier on my lower half, get my legs moving and re train my body and mind in what I need to do.
I am not sure if it is hurting me more this time round because I have done this before or if it is because of my health. But I want to play it safe and take it slowly.
I always remembered to do my check ins but never remembered to write them down, either on this blog or for my channel, so I have bought myself a new journal and inside I have set out a place for my check ins, a place for my goals and my inspirations on why I want to lose weight, also a place for me to write how I am feeling with my diet – if I am angry/upset or happy I will write it down in there. I am hoping that this will also help me to concentrate on losing weight as I found out that talking about my check ins did help me to focus on what I needed to do.
Basically, I am going to fight back my weight and make sure that I lose it (again) and continue to lose it.